Things I learned whilst working on the Tapestry of Dreams Project…

ANYONE can make a difference in this country, continent… world. Even the person who thinks they have nothing to offer – actually have the capacity to make an enormous difference in the lives of others.

Not everyone will want your help or will want what you have to offer. Don’t get offended or indignant – just move on.

There are hundreds of thousands of cultural and social issues to deal with when you move in to communities that are unfamiliar territory to your cultural upbringing or social understanding. Never ever assume that everybody else thinks the way that you do – or sees things the way you see things – or views the world through the same eyes. What you think is straight forward logic may often be illogical for others and vice versa. Instead of trying to convert or persuade people to see things the way you do… or to think the way you do… instead, try to see things from a different perspective – through their eyes, their circumstances, their culture, their social situation. It’s enlightening – often uncomfortably so.

You don’t have to “get” people… or understand people… or even agree with people… before you have the capacity to love, help, encourage or empower them.

Don’t push your own ‘solutions’ on to unwilling participants. Projects will only really work if the communities you’re working with believe in and understand what you’re building towards. (Don’t build them a clinic if they’re desperately pleading for a creche. Don’t give them English Bibles – when they’re Zulus, pleading for work/education/food). Help people make masters of their own destiny. Encourage them to take responsibility for their role in the project (and they must play a role too!).

Serve from beneath and push them upwards. Be happy when people step on your shoulders – it means they’ve come to trust you. (The women we worked with were originally very suspicious of us. It was only after they saw us return to their community, time and time again – and when they saw that we were actually delivering on our promises and keeping our end of the bargain, that they began to relax around us and the walls came down. During our most recent visit, we were met with warm hugs (and even some gifts) – and they were far more open, honest and vulnerable in their conversations with us – than when we first met. I counted it a privilege when they first began to phone me and ask for help and advice with certain things).

Relationship! Relationship! Relationship! (I cannot emphasize this enough!).

People know when you really don’t care about them. If you just want the glory… and the glossy photo of you standing in the midst of the AIDS infected community… or, like a politician or beauty queen, hugging impoverished AIDS orphans and pretending to care (when the REAL motive is your very own PR campaign) – you will forever miss out on the very real opportunity to be beautifully transformed. CSI budgets are nothing more than corporate marketing budgets (corporates tend to give most to the project that offers them the most publicity and brownie points in return for their cash). Many individuals do the same thing and give or ‘serve’ – only because they want brownie points. Without love and genuine care and concern for the community that you serve – your contribution is like a watery meal replacement shake – but with the vitamins removed! It briefly satiates – but there’s no substance or long-term sustenance… either for yourself – or for the people you profess to serve.

Leave your ulterior motives at home – whether it’s religion, politics or other hidden agendas. Whether you intend converting the masses to the religion of your choice (and THAT’S why you’re helping them)… or whether you want to be viewed politically or corporately as a caring humanitarian (and THAT’S why you’re helping them)… or whether you simply want to add another notch to your belt of things-you’ve-done-to-help-poor-Africa so that your relatives and friends abroad will be very impressed with your kindness and consider you a saint (and THAT’S why you’re helping them)… know that the locals won’t be fooled. People know a fake hug, a fake smile and feigned concern. People know when you’re using their tragedy for your own, personal PR campaign or your own, personal agenda. It’s condescending and it’s selfish.

Learn everything possible about the culture and the belief systems of the people you are serving and embrace the fact that they’re different from you. Celebrate their uniqueness – and yours. How boring the world would be if we were all the same!

Let trust come naturally – even if it takes time. Even if it takes a LONG time.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Don’t make grandiose promises to desperate people in order to ease your own guilt or to placate them for a while. Don’t make ANY promises that you don’t FULLY intend on keeping. And if you do make a crazy promise (as I did) – then make sure – that, come hell or high water, that you see it through! And don’t let anybody else tell you that it’s impossible.

In fact – that’s a point all of it’s own: Don’t let anybody tell you “It’s impossible!”.

– Heather Costaras -

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